Episode 67. Are You the Predator of the Prey

What in life deserves our time and attention and what things don't. I hope that as we consider that question along with other topics on this show, that we can all learn to live our lives just a little more intentionally. This is Seth Roberts. Thanks for joining me on Skipping Stones “Are You the Predator or the Prey.”

When a lion is looking for something to eat. It doesn't think about the antelope's feelings. It is focused and it is hungry, and it takes what it needs. It feels cruel, but the lion would die if it didn't choose to be the predator it was meant to be. People are odd creatures. We can be both predators and prey, and as such, I think that there's an argument to be made that maybe there are times in life.

When we need to metaphorically be the predator, 'cause the alternative is to be the prey. There are some people in the world that exist almost entirely in a predatory state, and for every one of those people, there are 20 more that are content to be more or less a herd animal most of the time. And maybe that's for the best.

The people that want to blend in and don't wanna make waves don't get singled out. But sometimes when we allow ourselves to defer too much to our fears, we get cut short from accomplishing what we want. What makes being a predator useful is that in the moment your eyes are fixed on a goal, other concerns become irrelevant, and nothing exists except the space between yourself and what you want.

Prey animals have their eyes set to the side of their heads so that they can be aware of threats from a wider field of vision. While predators have their eyes forward with a narrow area of focus that allows them to hone in on one specific target, when you are the predator fear and nervousness, stop existing because all that exists is the goal.

When we are being prey, our nervousness and our anxiety is our shield to help protect us from predators. But it is a state that keeps you reactive instead of allowing you the ability to drive your actions intentionally. I was speaking to a friend who told me she liked yoga if I had a hard time going to classes because she felt afraid that she would walk in and look silly.

That conversation about sums up one of the biggest reasons people do not do things that they're interested in. In short, they are stuck in the mindset of being prey and they cannot take actions that would benefit them. They are in a mental loop dedicated to watching out for all of the potential dangers, whether they're social or physical.

I had another conversation with a guy that used to work for me who competed in MMA tournaments. And he told me that when you go into a fight, you're either really nervous and feel sick, or you go into a kind of hyper-focused state where you see everything and feel very little. A few years back, I spent some time doing martial arts, and I had a similar experience during sparring.

You would think a couple of people punching each other would be less than pleasant, but to the contrary, sometimes. Everything except the person you are fighting disappears and you go into a kind of focus that's exhilarating. You barely feel the strikes from the other person, and you have a mind that only sees.

One thing, and that is the objective. It is the momentary freedom from any and all fear, and I think everyone could use a dose of that at least once in a while. When I started coming around to this concept, I started doing something that helped me. Whenever I had to manage a conflict with another person, I tried to think through what exactly I wanted.

Before I'd have the conversation and I'd define it clearly in my mind, and once I had defined that desire in my mind, my objective became clear, and I'd go into the conversation reminding myself that I needed to be the predator. The reason this is so useful is that let's just say that you need to let someone go from a job because the company will simply perform better without them.

You know, going in what the outcome has to be. But if you go in all nervous and feeling guilty, you're going to be more likely to cave. When that person tries to guilt trip you or make you feel like you owe them something, you may end up even letting them stay on a little while longer. Except now there's resentment in the mix since they know you wanted to let them go, and I can almost guarantee they will continue to be a drag on your company.

You are going to feel impotent for not having the capacity to do what was best for your company's survival. In situations like that, when you can keep your eye focused on nothing other than what you want, you'll not be swayed by the arguments and the complaints, and you won't waste any more time than has already been wasted.

The employee in question can move on to someplace that will be a better fit for them instead of wasting more time at a job where they were never going to thrive. The company can benefit from removing someone that wasn't meaningfully contributing. Choosing to be a predator in this sense does not mean being selfish all the time.

It means thinking beforehand what actions need to be taken and executing on those actions without concern for whatever tries to get in your way. Imagine if the cops let themselves be concerned over popular opinion when they have to go in and arrest somebody. They'd back off anytime the suspect had their friends around, they might say, oh, I'm so sorry guys.

I didn't mean to cause a problem. Let me get outta your way. Keep on doing whatever you're doing. Sometimes we have to make other people's wants secondary to our own. We all know someone that behaves this way by default, and that's clearly a bad thing. But we all could benefit if we were willing to behave this way when it really matters.

I love the way Jordan Peterson describes the importance of being dangerous. I remember him saying that you can't be good unless you can be dangerous, because if you lack the capacity of being dangerous, then you can't be good. 'cause you don't have the ability to do otherwise. What makes a person good is having the capacity to be dangerous, but the discipline to reserve that for when it's necessary. 

People are just not meant to be prey all of the time. The eastern concept of yin and yang is so applicable to so many things. It may seem sometimes that we are one or the other, but we are both and we need both. Without darkness, we could never appreciate light. The anxious energy of the prey will keep them protected from the predator, but the driven pursuit of the predator will move you toward a goal.

Just like we all know someone that lives almost entirely in a state of selfishness. We probably also know someone that lives almost entirely in a state of fear. Mastery of our world comes from our ability to utilize both the predator and the prey inside of us. When you want to enjoy something in life, you need to put on the predator.

In order for you to take it, you need to lead or be led. There's not much of a middle ground. The safe choice is to always watch and wait, but safe is not necessarily better living. An entirely selfish life will likely lead you to burnout, relationships, and possibly prison. While an entirely fearful life will keep you locked up in a mental prison of your own making, leading a rich and fulfilling life requires you to learn to balance both caution and risk.

You cannot have both at the same time. Defense doesn't score any points. So even if you succeed in keeping anyone else from ever scoring points against you. You'll still never win the game. This is Skipping Stones “Are You the Predator or the Prey.” You can find this podcast anywhere you choose to listen to podcasts. For more information about me, feel free to visit skippingstonessr.com.

And if you enjoyed the show, please like or subscribe. If there is a topic you would like me to speak on, please feel free to email me. At info@skippingstonessr.com, new episodes will be released weekly every Monday.