Episode 99: Don't Let What You Have Keep You from What You Want

What in life deserves our time and attention and what things don't. I hope that as we consider that question along with other topics on this show, that we can all learn to live our lives just a little more intentionally. This is Seth Roberts. Thanks for joining me on Skipping Stones - “Don't Let What You Have Keep You from What You Want.”

I wonder sometimes if we're failing in life because we're trying too hard to protect the wrong things. Like is our fixation on avoiding financial loss preventing us from taking the chances that might ultimately give us financial gain? Or is our fixation on staying in a terrible situation, keeping us from being in a better situation?

Unfortunately, security in life often competes with possibility. In a way, a homeless person that has little to nothing in terms of material wealth, has more freedom to take their lives in different directions by virtue of being unencumbered by anything that they're trying to preserve. A lot of what I have now seemed like a bonus before I had those things, but now those things feel more like a necessity.

As much as I think I need those things now, I wonder if all my efforts to protect those gains are damaging my prospects of getting what I actually want in life. For most of my life, I have not had much in the] way of material wealth, but ever so slowly things have improved for me in that regard. Early on when I had little to nothing, I was happy to take chances and risk what little I had, but as I've grown my company and I've acquired more things, my tolerance for risk has plummeted.

When at one point in my life, I would've put everything on the line to take a chance on something I now won't risk. I used to make big gambles in favor of big rewards, but now I take much smaller chances in an effort to protect what I already have. So far, I think that's probably the right strategy for me, at least at this point in my life.

But I'm also aware that the things that I've acquired are a bit like golden handcuffs. I have a good thing going, but I pass up on all kinds of other opportunities and that's the rub. Opportunities don't really come to fruition unless you dedicate enough attention to them that you have to pass on other opportunities.

Even still, I think the things we hang onto aren't always doing for us what we hope they're doing. I'm imagining a large company that's made money off of doing the exact same thing for years. But never tries new things or invests in anything else. When something new comes along that makes the company's product irrelevant.

The very thing they held onto so dearly and devoted all of their resources to become the thing that drags 'em down. Like if Google never focused on anything other than its search engine and didn't venture into all these other different arenas as they grew, the last few years would've been brutal since the unveiling of ai.

I personally use search engines about half as much as I used to a few years ago, but fortunately for them, they made so much money off of their company. They gained the capacity to pursue additional opportunities including ai. So they're not really in a bad place at all. You know which company really shot themselves in the foot though?

It’s Blockbuster. If you don't remember Blockbuster, it was where we all went, when we wanted to rent a movie before the existence of Netflix, they had a store in what seemed to be every other corner. They chose to double down on keeping their physical store locations and famously passed up on an opportunity to buy Netflix at one point.

Now, I don't think most people under the age of 30 even really remember the name hanging on too tightly to what they had cost them everything. As it relates to us, though, I'm not sure that hanging on to what we have is necessarily going to sink us the way it sank a blockbuster, but more so I think hanging on to the wrong things just keeps us from arriving at a better place.

Life is a little like an all you can eat buffet. You have a lot of things you can choose to put on that plate, but you are limited by how much food you can actually hold in your stomach. We might want everything in life, but if we fill up too much on things like rice or bread. There won't be much room for any of the high value stuff later.

We simply can't hold on to so many things at one time. So, I'm suggesting that maybe we shove the rice and bread off that plate and grab more of the lobster. It's worth asking ourselves if we're actually spending time with or protecting the things that we actually want. I see people that put most of their energy into saving money, but neglect actually finding ways to make more of it.

I see people kill themselves to excel at work, but basically forget about their families when they would probably be happier with a little less money and more time with their loved ones. I see people invest so much time into living life while they're young, that everyone else passes them up and they're left behind looking like an overgrown child.

Obviously, there's a balance here, but more often than not, I think we get that balance wrong. I think it's familiarity. With what we know as much as the things we acquire in life that we hang on to so tightly, letting go of things that might be holding us back means change, and change is uncomfortable.

It's hard to imagine life without things we know and are accustomed to, but those comforts can be a ball and chain. They're almost like a soft prison cell. While embracing discomfort offers us the most freedom. When you're miserable, you will do almost anything to escape the pain, and when you're comfortable, you will do almost anything to keep the pain away.

You might think then what's the problem if you're comfortable? I'm not really sure that there is a problem with keeping the status quo, but you could potentially have even more out of life and not just more comfort, but more of a story and more of an adventure. I chose to have a family. Not having kids would undoubtedly have been a more comfortable situation, but I can't imagine a life without them. By comparison,

My life before was unfulfilling. I only lived for myself and my own wants. What may be out there for us may not just be more money or more wealth, but it might be more life to be lived and more to experience. Sometimes it's really obvious which things we hang onto that are holding us back, and sometimes it isn't.

But there's usually always something worth letting go of. I'm always surprised to find that when I get rid of things in my life, it often feels as good, if not better than when I got them in the first place. So don't let what you have. Hold you back from what you actually want. This is Skipping Stones - “Don't Let What You Have Keep You from What You Want.”

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