Episode 32: I Used to Dream of Giant Elephants

[00:00:00] Speaker: When I was younger and endlessly ambitious, I had grand visions of my future. I used to dream of giant elephants. I imagined the sprawling palace that I'd have, as well as the symbols that I'd decorate it with to represent myself and my family. I dreamed of my incredible children impacting the world and being kind of like their patriarchal leader.

The gate to my house was going to be flanked by giant elephant statues, and the door handles would be custom made to be the shape of elephant faces, with the trunks serving as the handles. And throughout the property, there was going to be a common theme of elephants adorning things throughout. It was the perfect symbol to represent the elephant.

How important and prestigious my family and I were going to be. I got the idea for an elephant because growing up, my grandparents had a bunch of elephant statues in their house. Little, little, like, I don't know, elephant ornaments and little elephant statue, and it was all over. I thought it was cool. So my imagination.

Took the next natural step, which was to adopt it as my own familial symbol. Of course, I found out later that the reasons they had so many elephant references in their house is because my grandfather was heavily involved in the Republican party. So, contrary to my hope that it was some kind of royal emblem to be passed down to me, it turned out to represent more of an interest of my grandfather's, but by the time I figured that out, I was sold on the idea and just chose to steal the Republican mascot for my own.

So it was a fitting choice as only an elephant could properly represent the size of my ego at that time. And by the way, I still like elephants. And they probably will always be a part of my home decor, even if they just serve as a memory of my grandparents and my younger self. And even now, as I think about it, I have an elephant decoration hanging on one of the walls in my office.

So, the dream lives on, at least to some extent. And I bring this up because I see now that what I was craving at the time was this feeling of being special, and being part of something exclusive and unique. I mean, even as a child, I was always drawn to symbols that I thought could represent me. I felt obligated to have a favorite sports team.

In every sport, even though, generally speaking. I never even watched sports. I think that I sought out things to better define who I thought I was and wanted to be. And it was almost as though I needed those things to feel like I existed. And I think that's what many of us are feeling when we have a need for these symbols to represent us.

So admittedly, my example is probably on the extreme end of things, but I think most of us seek out our own versions of being special. Whether we seek out symbols to represent us. power Status or just have a desire to be more admired than the next person We all want to feel like the center of a story one thing.

I've long admired about Rappers in particular is that there's a kind of honesty in their music in my pursuit of specialness I was playing this game of peekaboo with the way I bragged whereas in many of the best rap songs They just come right out and tell you what's on their mind, which is often some version of I'm the best.

Nobody else compares. So although I was never gonna get gold teeth or get a face tattoo or any of the other ways in which they sought out symbols, I completely related. My particular flavor of this was going to be a massive house surrounded by giant elephants. And I think I lost these aspirations over the course of my life because I finally realized the source of this desire was a never ending need for validation of my specialness.

You might just simply call it ego, and maybe that's all it is. But life eventually made me realize that I am really no more special than anyone else. Yet at the same time, I am as special as I could ever be, because I am the center of my own story. There is only one of me. And that realization didn't happen in a moment, but slowly over time.

Seeing other people pursue their own versions of being special to the extreme really helped me begin to see that in myself. I always understood that it was better if you didn't have to tell people how incredible or awesome you were. But being the man that I am, I think I wanted them to have as many opportunities as possible to see how awesome I was.

And even now, I am not immune from this desire to be admired. The difference being today is, I now recognize the feeling better, and I can name it, when previously I blindly sought out that admiration without recognizing that that's what I was doing. Ironically, the more I came to understand my covert desire for admiration, the more comfortable I became without admiration.

I'm not sure that that desire is real. ever going to leave us completely. And maybe that's okay. So long as we pursue that admiration in a more authentic and a less performative way. In fact, simply knowing that we want to be admired can help us think about what is actually required for us to get sincere admiration, which is what I think we all really want.

Anyways, we don't really want to be admired for our expensive cars, our jewelry, our tattoos, or our beautiful homes deep down. We all want to be admired.

Sometimes we just aren't that great though, but it is probably better for us to recognize that and have a starting point than it is to continue the charade of symbols we present in order to get people to buy into this lie. What do other people's opinions matter anyway, if they're only based on superficial things?

If we're trying to wow people with the symbols and the things and all of that, then if it succeeds the thing that they're being wowed by isn't really you at all. It's the things that you're wowing them with. Becoming admired for who we truly are sometimes means we need to stop being a lesser version of ourselves.

One of the most beautiful things about little babies is that they have their entire life ahead of them and an entirely blank slate. They don't have the emotional baggage weighing them down. Or bad habits to contend with, they are pure, and they are all filled with incredible potential. Life has yet to have a chance to convince them that they are worthless.

In spite of all the crap we contend with, and the bad things that happen to us, we still have potential to be that higher version of ourselves. If different circumstances would have made you a better person than you are today, maybe you can find a way to manipulate your current circumstances to some degree.

That seed of potential doesn't really go away as we age. We could, in theory, stop doing all the dumb things we currently do and start doing all the good things we know we should do. Easier said than done. I recognize that. But the point here is that we still have power to change until the day we die. And when we become the highest version of ourselves, we become inherently admirable.

Becoming someone that is admired by almost everyone universally is to become the kind of person that Funny enough has kind of given up thinking about themselves that kind of person we can all admire the most is the person that has Forsaken themselves for others one of the most clearly admirable actions We can all recognize is when a person gives their life to save another It is the literal giving up of the self to promote the existence of another.

It doesn't have to always be so dramatic as dying for others, as it can be as simple as living for others. What if we could be that person that genuinely cares about what others have to say? What if we could be the person that could feel happy helping one person just as much as helping a thousand? What if we could give ourselves permission to have our time, our name, and our things to be simply less important?

than other peoples. The frustrating thing about becoming admired is that in order to be truly admired, you have to stop seeking to be admired. The total loss of self is ironically how we're most likely to find that highest version of ourselves. It is a powerful feeling to consciously let go of your interest for a time and to allow someone else's to take precedence.

It is not the same as doing something for others out of obligation. When we're doing things out of obligation, we miss out on that crucial element of forgetting about ourselves. I don't think it's easy to do. I personally don't generally like to volunteer my help. And when I do, I do it because I know it's a good thing to do.

But in those instances, I usually haven't lost myself to the giving. When we are able to lose ourselves, the struggles and the problems of those that we are helping become our struggles and problems. So maybe it's worth taking a look at ourselves to see what actions we pursue in life purely to aggrandize ourselves.

Are we seeking recognition of our unique specialness through titles, accomplishments, degrees, monetary success, sports teams? Are we showing off our children to bask in their glory? Are we relying on our tattoos, our jewelry, our clothes to show people how special and unique we are? Recognizing our own insignificance is the starting point to giving up this unnecessary requirement to feel special and unique.

Imagine a world where you were not compelled to do things to fit the narrative that you've created for yourself, but rather did things for nothing more than the joy of doing them. Whether or not we choose to give ourselves up for the sake of others, we are always going to have a certain amount of special, simply because we are always going to be the main character.

In our own story, our lives are almost like a kind of immersive movie that we're watching and the story is as much of a story as we want it to be. Since you are already the main character in the story, there is no need to convince the extras in your life that you are special or different or unique. You hold the privilege of being the only character in the whole story that really matters regardless of what you do.

So, you can be a tragedy, a comedy, or a tragedy. A romance, an adventure, or maybe like all good stories, you can choose to have a little bit of each of those in your life. I hope someday that I resemble less so the man that surrounds himself with giant elephants, and more so the simple man that lives his life for the sake of others.