Episode 31: Unanchored People

[00:00:00] Seth: If someone were to ask you right now what your values were, would you be able to tell them without having to think very hard about it? What is important to you? Is there anything outside of yourself that you're anchored to? I've known a lot of people in my life that are kind of agnostic to everything.

Their politics are based on who they think is stupid and their moral code is based on what most everyone else around them is doing and generally, they don't seem to have anything in their lives that they would really fight for if it came down to it. These are what I would call unanchored people. I think a good way to figure out If you're an anchored person or not, is to ask yourself if there are any principles or values you would be willing to die for.

Or at the very least, put up a fight for. Would you die before betraying someone's secret because loyalty matters to you? Would you die to prevent a criminal from dying because mercy is a value that you hold dear? Would you die fighting for freedom before allowing yourself to become a slave? Or would you be willing to die?

In service to an idea that you hold dear, such as your religion or your politics. The problem with just floating is that your whims and your desires become your guiding star. I mean, this is an okay strategy, I suppose for satisfying wants, but it's a bad strategy if you ever hope to feel fulfilled. See, the thing about feeling fulfilled or even satisfied with your life is you have to have something to fulfill or to satisfy.

People like to feel like they're doing something good, but to do something good you have to know what good is. And if you have no real opinion one way or another on how you should live your life, Then how can you ever hope to fulfill what does not exist? I feel good when I see my children, well fed, well dressed and properly loved, because I believe it's a parent's duty to take good care of their children.

I feel fulfilled when I build things because I believe we should be industrious with our time. And I especially feel fulfilled when I stick to the values. I hold dear, even when circumstances make that hard. Apathy is one of the best strategies for avoiding the pain involved with caring about something.

But you inadvertently choose a different kind of pain that has more permanence once it settles into you. It's a kind of long lasting pain of emptiness that sinks into your bones. When you choose apathy or nihilistic thinking in your life, you're choosing the pain of never knowing joy. Or the feeling of a job well done, because well done doesn't even exist in your world.

Joy and contentment is reserved for those of us that stand for something in our lives. The beautiful thing about choosing to adhere to a moral code is that even if you lose, you win. Do you think that those people that drop everything to commit to a religion or to live by an ideal are missing out? Far from it.

Those people have the privilege of feeling joy because they have the opportunity to live by a difficult standard that they can fulfill. And doing hard things when there's a purpose driving it brings us joy. I mean, have you ever asked somebody that has given something up like, alcohol or, or some other kind of addiction?

I mean, if, if you ever asked them if they felt better or worse, I mean, almost. Every single one of them says that they feel better. I would say the religiously committed people that actually succeed in following their beliefs to any degree probably feel better than most everyone else. And you should probably be jealous of them.

Now, of course, if you believe a thing and don't adhere to that belief, you will indeed experience guilt. Which is another reason that I think we sometimes like to gravitate towards apathy. Because if you don't care about anything And you don't have to feel guilty about anything. But you're swapping out one kind of pain for another if you go that route.

I think one of the biggest problems in the Western world is that so many people these days lack an anchor. I think a lot of people don't even like themselves. And what happens when you don't have an anchor? You float. Wherever the wind or the current takes you, and sometimes it may take you somewhere that's pleasant for a while, and sometimes it may take you somewhere bad, but all the while, you let the world happen to you.

How are you really any different from a leaf in the wind when you're guiding stars, your biologically derived self interest? When you anchor to something, You're making a conscious decision to live by a principle that will keep you from doing many of the things available to you in life. It may even require you to subordinate your earthly self interest to a self interest rooted in something more eternal, like a moral code that has real meaning beyond your wants and desires during your life.

There's something about knowing you have chosen to live life on terms you consciously adopted versus pursuing blind ambition and or simply going with the flow that's so much more satisfying than any pleasure that can be experienced. The more strongly you can affix those values to a belief that following them actually matters in the infinite scheme of eternity, the more resilient those values will become.

It may seem foolish to give up things that we like based on a hope that our values and actions matter, but we all admire it when we see other people do it. So why don't we give ourselves that privilege? I think part of the allure to Star Wars was this mysterious idea of the Jedi, an organization of empowered individuals that had a kind of code that they live by.

We admire people that live by something. We also hate them if they stand for something that we've grown to dislike. But if we can step outside of our bias for a moment, It's even easy to admire someone that doesn't think the same as us because people that have chosen to anchor themselves to an idea or a principle.

Now, if you have a bad taste in your mouth for religion, it's easy to think poorly about the people that commit to one. If you think vegans are stupid, it may be hard for you to admire that many of them are doing it out of compassion. If you're a Muslim, you may think that Jews are the worst. And if you're a Jew, you may think Muslims are the worst.

And if you're a Ukrainian soldier right now, you probably hate the Russians. And if you're a Russian soldier, you probably hate the Ukrainians. Regardless, the reasons though. Most of these groups do it based on a commitment to some ideal. Jews, Muslims, and Christians are committed to pursuing and fighting for the moral principles that they believe are right and good.

Ukraine and Russian soldiers may be acting out of love of country, or loyalty. And whether a person stands for things that I reject, or embrace, doesn't diminish the beauty of a person that lives according to their values. Now I recognize how sensitive that can be, especially in situations like war, when your enemy is literally trying to kill you.

But if you can step outside of that for a moment, you might be able to appreciate and admire somebody that is living by a principle, even at the risk of their own life. Would I fight and risk my life for the sake of the values I hold dear? I certainly hope I would. I'd have just the worst opinion of myself if I didn't.

And could that lead me into conflict with people that likewise have a commitment to their principles? Unfortunately, yes, absolutely. And I think if I gave myself a moment to step outside of myself, I think I'd still admire them for it. I may also think that they're stupid and naive, but I can still admire sincere commitment to doing good regardless of whether or not I agree about what good is to them.

People that are unanchored may be easier to pacify and may be less inclined to fight, but I would rather spend time with someone that cares about something even if that means we end up fighting. You're probably more likely to achieve world peace the more nihilistic and apathetic the general population is.

But even if it means The possibility of world peace flies out the window. I would choose a world full of passionate people, even if they sometimes fight each other. Is a life with no passion and no commitment to something, even living at all? That's just not a story worth reading. So where do you fall? Do you know what matters to you?

Have you tried to figure it out? What if you simply don't believe there's any meaning or purpose to our lives? Well, I think I'd say that you're better off choosing something to believe. If you have to, write down a code. That you want to live by and choose to believe that it matters in the grand scheme of eternity.

And do it because living a life without principles or purpose is is hell. You may have moments of pleasure and you may experience moments of happiness, but you will never be able to feel the day to day contentment that comes when you live by a set of principles. Living life without an anchor is not living life at all.

It's like relegating your free will to the whims of your body and mind, which effectively makes you a slave to them. You may have the freedom in your life to make choices, but if you won't use that freedom to make choices about how you live that life, can you really say That you even have freedom at all.

So I love my life. It's been fairly hard for me on more than a few occasions, but I'm satisfied for the most part with how I've chosen to live it. The path I've chosen doesn't always make things easy for me, but whoever wanted everything to be easy for them, because it's persevering in spite of hardship that lets me feel good about my life.

So don't let distractions placate you. You don't have to settle for crumbs when you can have the whole cake. Find something to anchor to, because life without an anchor is gray and dull, and dependent on the happiness you can eke out from momentary wins and pleasures. But when those are gone, you will be empty.

Happiness is what you get when you win a prize. And joy is what you get for a life well lived.