Episode 101: We Need Words

What in life deserves our time and attention and what things don't. I hope that as we consider that question along with other topics on this show, that we can all learn to live our lives just a little more intentionally. This is Seth Roberts. Thanks for joining me on Skipping Stones - “We Need Words.”

The remarkable thing about words is that they seem to make us smarter without words. We're relatively instinctual creatures. I think of a dog, for example. It gets happy, sad, and angry, but that's about all it can express. It doesn't really have the capacity to show us more nuanced feelings, and of course, a dog is unable to be introspective.

People that don't have a lot of words to describe what they feel, get angry or sad or happy, but have limited capacity to comprehend those things because they don't have enough words to describe those feelings. Or even if they know the words, they may not be able to make the connection between those words and what they're feeling.

They can't explain to themselves or to others why they feel those things or how they're feeling them. When they don't have the words they need, they have less control over themselves because they don't understand themselves. People without those words are often the ones that lash out and seem unpredictable or worse, yet they become predictably unpredictable.

I read a while back that one of the last colors to get a name in a language is blue. There are ancient writings where the sky is described as a shade of green because that's how people perceived it. Having a word for it gave civilizations a tool to actually differentiate it. Now, you could argue that the world didn't truly get to experience the color blue until they had a name for it in the first place.

There are people that are professional tasters. These people have refined their ability to describe what they're tasting far beyond the normal person. They can describe the food they're eating so well that they can sometimes even tell you which factory and off the shelf item was made at. They see food with such clarity that their experience is far beyond what the vast majority of us can experience.

I, for example, am often limited to descriptions like, that was really good, or I didn't like that. If I'm really feeling classy, I might go as far to describe how bitter or sweet a food was. But at the end of the day, the lens through which I view food is equivalent to looking at a very abstract painting.

Now, thoughts, feelings, and everything else we perceive is there, regardless of how many words we know. But they're pretty useless if we don't fully comprehend them. And in order to do that, we need words. Think of someone that is trying to tell you why they're upset. My kids, for example, who have limited vocabulary will tell me that they're so mad and it's up to me to try and figure out what that means.

Did they not get enough to eat? Are they feeling unsettled? Do they feel jealous, disrespected, or left out? Some kids don't even have the ability to say that they're mad, so they start hitting or breaking things to express it. Some kids never even learn at all and continue doing that into adulthood. It's harder once they become adults because we hold them to higher expectations, and if they still don't have the words to express what's going on inside of 'em, they often end up carrying a bag of problems around for the rest of their lives that they force other people to carry for 'em.

Imagine how much better it is when instead of lashing out by calling you names or breaking something. A person instead can tell you that they feel insecure because they're afraid you're moving on without them, or that they feel unappreciated when you do X, Y, or Z. I would argue that therapy is one part advice and two parts helping you find the right words to describe what you're actually feeling.

Words are maybe one of the greatest gifts you could ever receive. Now, there's also a difference between knowing words and actually internalizing them. There are plenty of people that know a lot of big words and are happy to swing them around like they're buying drinks for everyone in the room, but that's nothing more than an act.

Words are pointless in  that they don't add meaningful value. Now, if your audience truly can appreciate the difference between you describing something as exemplary versus good. Then that works. But otherwise, it's kind of like dressing up in a tux to go eat at McDonald's. I love words. They are some of my favorite things.

Something I think that's really cool about the English language actually is that they estimate that as much as 75% of our words are borrowed from other languages, which in my opinion makes it one of the most beautiful languages in existence. Simply because we have more words with which to describe things and that we will continue to take on even more as they prove useful to us.

Now, I want to share just a few of my favorite borrowed words. Hygge, a Danish Norwegian word, is quiet comfort that engenders cozy feelings, especially during winter. Think warm lights, good company, nice smells. It emphasizes the little things we do in our life that bring us little bits of joy. Bata - Filipino.

To be fair, I've never actually heard this one used by English speakers, but I lived there for a period of time, and I still use this word today because there isn't a good English equivalent, but it  means pathetic, but with a positive connotation like the way you might describe a helpless little baby or a little kid that scratched their knee and and is tearing up from it.

Faux pas, French, an embarrassing social mistake. Schadenfreud, German pleasure derived from another person's misfortune. Wanderlust, also German to be consumed by the desire to travel. Aloha - Hawaiian. Hello and conveniently goodbye.  Wabi-sabi, Japanese. The philosophy emphasizes the appreciation of beauty that is imperfect and permanent or incomplete.

I love the clarity words give and I love the comfort they provide. There's a song in the Sound of Music. That I love. It's when Maria, the protagonist, is comforting] children during a storm and starts singing this song where she names her favorite things that she likes to remember when she's afraid. And in so doing, paints a picture with her words of so many things that evoke some of the warmest feelings and describe some of the most comforting things that I think many of us can appreciate.

Some of these things are actually, I'm gonna say all of 'em are raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens. Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens. Brown paper packages tied up with string, cream colored ponies, crisp apple strudels doorbells, and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles. Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes. Or on her nose and eyelashes, silver, white winters that melt into spring. Words are powerful, for good and for bad, and the importance of them goes beyond pretty much any other power on earth. Words engage. They strengthen, they weaken, they clarify, they encourage, they demand, they teach, and so much more without words.

Humanity probably would be a little different from the animals around us. I hope you can find the words that you need in order to take more control of your life and to bring more of the beautiful and good. Into it. This is Skipping Stones - “We Need Words.” You can find this podcast anywhere you choose to listen to podcasts.

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